Today as I spent more time relaxing during my extended Christmas break, I began to work on my school unit of journal writing. Ask I perused over my lesson plans and attempted to find adequate examples, I came across some of my old writings. The most recent in September was of course very depressing. It was written on the coattails of another blow in 2013. But this entry is not like that one. This is an entry of hope.
I have struggled on and off with situational depression over the years. I go through a slump, decide to retreat into my own head and generally think the world is a dark and dreary place. This Christmas was no different. I regularly look at what I don't have, what others might think and how I'm different. This is a spiral that I don't normally come out of. It wasn't until yesterday that I identified my own power in my feelings. Yesterday I looked to God inside of my emotions and found joy.
It was quite the miraculous moment and very undramatic but it was significant. I have been neglecting the one all true powerful way to find meaning in life. And it does not depend on other people. It is solely my relationship with God. When I am apart from my Him, my life is a whirlwind of doubt and depression. I have often found that when I am giving in relationships I often leave feeling drained. This applies to my job, my marriage, my friendships, etc. I have wondered where I was supposed to get filled in order to keep going. Duh! My God is my "filling station".
This is of course obvious, simple and completely unoriginal but it was a profound moment for me. I am ever so thankful for a God who loves and pursues me. I am so indebted for all my enormous blessings that I don't deserve. I am 100% forgiven and restored in him. I have eternity to look forward to and an earthly life to learn to love God even more.
1 Peter 5:6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
